The Asskickers is a simple side scrolling action beat em up game where you take the role of 1 of 3 characters with different abilities and speed. Alex is the most balanced of the 3 with his Agility, Power and Toughness all maxing out at 3. Diane is the fasters one with her speed maxing out at 5 but with a toughness and strength level maxed out at 1 and 2. The final guy known as the tank or Marcus has his strength and toughness maxed out at 5 but his speed is only clocked in at 2.
The story of the game is set in the near future when the US is no longer the US but instead is govern by one entity or the president who runs the corporations who are running the world economy. The story has a liberal type of political view that sort of relates to what is going on today. The level starts out at Wongs training facility with the son of the president coming to bully your selected character. You then start the game by doing what the game implies the most. Kicking Ass.
The game follows the traditional beet em up type of gameplay. Enemies will come towards you and you must kick their ass in order to advance. Each enemy has their own unique abilities and are categorized by rank which are light, medium and heavy with light characters taking a few hits to kill whereas the heavy characters take more hits to kill. Every now and then you will also get a super heavy character which takes way more hits to kill than the heavy type enemies.
When fighting enemies the game is very anal on positioning. Even if you’re an inch off you will miss your attack and vice versa when an enemy is attacking you, although the enemy has a less likely chance of missing his target. You are only given 3 lives with each extra life coming at every 5000 points you collect. If you die before collecting that extra life or towards the end of the level, you will be reverted back to the beginning. That’s right there are no check points here so either you though it out or walk away. By the way the game plays I recommend that you walk away.
The characters do feel light regardless of their class and the enemies move way faster than you do. In the beginning the game was so unresponsive; I wasn’t able to get into the gameplay until I bashed the keyboard with my face. I thought it got stuck at the character select screen but no it just needs you to bash your keyboard or joy pad until it breaks, then it will continue.
At times your character will also flicker up and down and teleport to different parts of the screen. Even if you reset your game which is not recommended, it still has the same problem. It’s hard enough for you to hit someone now imagine trying to do it while you’re teleporting mid punch. I found this bug in prison level and died soon after thanks to that bug only to once again get thrown back into the middle of the level.
Clossing Comments: Avoid at all costs
Play Maximum Carnage, Streets of Range or any other beat em up title besides this game. It’s hard to play, you’re punches have to be so precise otherwise you would miss, and if you die you will get sent all the way back to the beginning of the level. It’s just not worth your time playing, sadly it’s already too late for me.
Gameplay: Decent beat em up game but very anal on where you punch and very buggy. 3/10
Graphics: Graphics resemble a very basic flash game on the internet which is decent at best. 4/10
Sound: The soundtrack is somewhat interesting. Besides that there really isn’t any other sound effect. 3/10
Story: Story that mimics todays times but not very thought out. 2/10
LifeSpan: A couple of hours of gameplay if you manage to actually get through the game. 3/10
Total Score: 30/100